Since the release of Shadows on Snow, one person after another has poked at me, asking to see a bit of the world through the lens of Leo’s perspective.
Well, I listened. I took suggestions from readers, narrowed it down to three choices, and set it to a vote. And then, I flipped the chosen scene.
So here it is, fresh from my fingertips for your eyeballs. Be warned: if you have not yet read Shadows on Snow, this will be spoilery for you. Go no further in this post unless you’re at least half-way through the book. If you like being spoiled, well, keep reading, I guess. Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
Catch you after the jump!
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And here we are. Ready for your scene? Titled “Her True Face,” this takes place shortly after Rae and Leo fight off the royal guards on the hunting trip. I’ll let the rest speak for itself.
* * * * *
I’ve always been honest to a fault. So much so that lies nearly cause me physical pain, a lesson I learned the hard way as a child. For me, there was never anything but the truth. In my almost eighteen years, I’ve learned to hold my tongue to save myself some discomfort, but it does nothing for the effects of the lies of others.
It was in discovering so much dishonesty surrounding me that I found myself on the trail, headed deep into the eastern woods. Not only were the guards entrusted with my safety lying to me when we set out to hunt that morning, but it was a lie that stole the person I loved more than any other from me. If what Rae told me was true, my stepfather lied to my mother, to me, to our staff, to the entirety of the Sericean population and beyond. I’d never been comfortable around him, in fact, he made my skin crawl whenever he was near, but I’d never had any proof he was other than what he said. My mother married him for security and convenience, but assured me she was very happy with him on multiple occasions.
Had I listened to my gut, she might still be alive. My feelings have never lied to me.
I pulled my focus away from the things I couldn’t change. If I were to stay alive, I needed to keep my mind on what needed to be done.
Rae was constantly on guard, scanning the woods and pausing for nearly every noise that was slightly louder than it should be. Twice as we walked, he stopped in his tracks, nocking an arrow quicker than most soldiers I knew. I’d sensed from the start there was more to the stableboy than anyone could guess at, and while I’d learned a great deal more about him in the hours since we’d fled the ambush, there was more still to know.
That certainty only grew the longer I watched him. Something in the way he moved was off. He didn’t quite walk in the way fourteen-year-old boys did, with their gangly, disproportionate limbs. Rae was far more coordinated than any teenage boy I’d ever met, even more than I was at that age. His steps were surefooted, light, and he had a sway to his hips that I’d never seen on a man. It was very subtle, and most wouldn’t notice, especially since none ever paid him any attention unless he stepped out of line.
But I watched him every moment he was with me. There was something so eerily familiar about him that I couldn’t shake him from my thoughts. Somewhere buried beneath the dirt and awkward frame of his body was a feeling I could only attribute to one thing.
A lie. It poked at me, jabbed at me, twisted in my gut like a tiny knife. No matter how I came at it, the feeling remained, shadowed and inscrutable.
When we found our campsite for the night, I was still dwelling on the enigma of my new companion. We agreed it was for the better that we refrain from starting a fire, but the cold was a concern. Reverting to my years of military training, I did what we always did when trying to avoid detection by our enemies.
“We’ll be warmer if we keep close,” I said as I spread my blankets on the ground near the base of one of the massive oaks inside the circle of trees.
“I’ve survived colder than this on my own,” he said. “I’m not concerned.”
My skin prickled, irritated by the nagging feeling of his dishonesty. “Don’t be foolish.” I bent and dragged his pallet next to mine. “You’ve not more than threadbare rags to keep you warm. Besides, I’ve seen my fair share of winter nights without the heat of a campfire. Every soldier knows that close quarters is far preferable to freezing to death.”
He frowned, but didn’t argue further. Was he still concerned with my title? Rae’s reticence was mildly annoying, given that I’d already insisted on being treated as a friend, rather than nobility. With our situation as precarious as it was, it only made sense that I discard formality, if for no other reason than to keep us safe.
“I’ll take first watch,” he said, sitting on one thin blanket and pulling the other tight around him. “I’ll wake you when I need to rest.”
“No more than three hours, Rae,” I said. “I’m not above ordering you if you insist on being stubborn and refusing sleep.”
When he turned to me, the mischievous smirk he wore looked so out of place, I nearly laughed aloud.
“What happened to the equal footing you spoke of?” he asked.
Lying back on my own pallet, I pulled the blanket up to my face to hide my grin. “Friendship is knowing when to relent, as well as when to argue. If we’re equal, then you’ll let me do my share. I’m not some fragile princess, after all.”
“Sleep now. You’ll need your rest for the journey tomorrow. We’ve at least another day and a half of walking to go.”
The moment I’d started to relax, his tone caught me off guard, almost as though something I’d said was insulting, though I couldn’t for the life of me know what that was. However, it had been one of the longest, most tiring days I’d had in a while, as emotionally exhausting as it was physically draining, and sleep was already dragging me into its embrace. “Then I’ll see you in a few hours. Good night, Rae,” I said with a yawn.
* * * * *
Rae was barely keeping his eyes open when he woke me for my turn to watch. By the position of the moon, it had been well more than three hours that I’d slept, but he wasn’t awake long enough for me to reprimand him. As such, I decided to keep watch for at least as long as he had, perhaps until dawn, to afford the poor boy a much needed rest of his own.
I sat quietly for two hours or more before my concerns about Rae returned. I watched him in slumber, trying to determine what it was about him that bothered me so. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. Rather, I trusted him implicitly, but for no other reason than… instinct? I didn’t know. It was like air, or food, or a river. It was just a fact, as if it had always been there, I was simply aware of it suddenly.
From the moment I’d helped him to his feet in the barn, there was a connection between the two of us. He had a warmth in his touch, and I’d never felt anything like it in my life. Being acquainted with fairy-kind, mostly my godmother, I knew what magic felt like, and it was the only thing I could compare the sensations to. The night I met Rae was the first time I’d felt it, but not the last. Only one other person had stirred such absolute certainty in my emotions.
But she hadn’t given me her name. The girl at the masked ball came and went like a specter, though what I’d felt at her touch was raw, completely present. With Rae, it felt clouded, obscured by… something, like a veil hiding a face. Perhaps the two were related somehow, which might explain both the similarities in the feelings they conjured, as well as my absolute conviction that Rae was hiding something from me with a lie. Maybe she was one of the sisters he spoke of.
I laid back on my pallet, watching the steady rise and fall of his back as he slept. Tentatively, I reached out to him, wanting to test the warmth he conjured in me. The moment my fingers brushed his shoulder blade, however, he rolled over in his sleep to curl up against my side.
Immediately, my entire body surged with warmth and comfort. I stared up through the leafless branches of the trees, stunned by contact. I’d not have been any warmer lying beside a bonfire. It was exactly the same as when I’d danced with the woman in green at the masked ball.
As the shock receded some, other realizations came to me. Pushing past the tingling heat between us, there was much more to the situation than I could have guessed. While Rae looked every bit the scrawny, bony boy, if I closed my eyes, I would not have said it was a boy beside me. Soft curves pressed against me. Hairs I couldn’t see tickled my cheek. When my arm wrapped around him, it wasn’t the hard edges of a young man I met with.
There was the real lie. It was that dishonesty that I felt every time Rae was near.
Of all the people that had been hiding things from me, Rae’s deception hurt the most. After all the heartache of the past few weeks, it was all I could do not to shake him awake. Instead, I remained as I was, waiting until the sun brightened the sky before I shifted a little to ease him from sleep. At his first deep breath, moments before his eyes opened, I decided on my plan of action.
“Good morning,” I said, fighting to keep the anger out of my voice.
He squirmed, but I held him fast, not about to let him get away before he gave me answers.
“I believe there are a few more details you’ve neglected to share with me.”
“Sire?” His shoulders trembled slightly, but I wouldn’t be swayed.
“For example, how it is that your hair brushes my face when I can see plainly that it rests against your head, undisturbed. Or perhaps how it is that what my eyes tell me your shape is, my other senses find quite the opposite.”
He responded with another attempt to escape, but I had the advantage in my strength.
“Who are you, Rae?” I asked, my frustration spilling over into a low growl.
Rae relaxed completely, and I lowered my guard, thinking I’d won, but the victory was brief. He slipped from my grasp, slicker than a fish in a stream, but I caught his arm before he got far. The moment he was down, I pinned him to the ground, intent on learning the truth of at least one thing before it, too, tried to kill me or anyone else I cared for.
“I will not be lied to. What trickery is this? Show me who you are or I’ll not release you.”
His mouth worked at words, his eyes shut tight against me. Relentless, I held fast, but my resolve crumbled as his face shimmered, wavered, shifted in ways only magic could cause.
When the features settled, my breath caught in my lungs.
“You…” I whispered, utterly confused at seeing the one person I’d never expect. She might’ve been without her mask, but I would know her as well as I’d know my own reflection. Rae was the one I danced with at the ball?
With me distracted, she took the advantage, shifting my elbows to throw me off balance before she kicked me away from her. By the time I recovered, she’d aimed an arrow at my head.
I lifted my hands, easing away from her slightly. “I won’t hurt you.”
Her shoulders shook with deep, heaving breaths. “Do not touch me again.”
“I wouldn’t think to,” I said, immediately regretting my harsh actions, “but I prefer to know the truth about whom I travel with. It’s a matter of trust.”
“I saved your life, Highness,” she hissed at me. “I hardly see how my face, true or otherwise, factors into your opinion of me.”
“I would’ve better understood your hesitation over our sleeping arrangements, for starters.”
“I don’t ask for special consideration because of my gender.”
I frowned, trying to think of any way to salvage the disaster before me. “But I would give it all the same.”
“Precisely why I chose another form,” she said through clenched teeth.
Though my mind raced with questions, I knew she was far too upset to give me any explanations. Her hands trembled with a rush of fear and anger, and I couldn’t say I blamed her. It was infinitely stupid of me to force the confrontation, but weeks of lies and loss had eaten away at the person I’d always tried to be.
Because of my weakness, I’d caused the woman I’d spent nights losing sleep over, wondering about, seeing in dreams, to fear me. It was unforgivable, but I decided in the moment she lowered her weapon that I would do everything in my power to heal the rift between us. She’d saved my life, and everything about her called to me. I wouldn’t rest until I earned her trust once more.
She turned away from me, stalking towards the opening in the trees.
“Build a fire,” she said over her shoulder.
“Where are you going?” I called after her.
She left without giving me a reply.
I sank to my knees, whispering a soft prayer to the spirits that they’d give me another chance. After weeks of wondering, of hoping, I couldn’t stand the thought that I’d lost the woman that captivated me so completely. Whatever it took, whatever patience and perseverance I had within me, I would dedicate it all to repairing what I’d broken in my moment of doubt.
If I could not gain her heart, perhaps I might at least earn her trust.
* * * * *
Jessica Smith says
EEEEEPP!!! I love it! <3